


Hesitance

by GrimyLittleTrickster



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Heavy Angst, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 09:16:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4095391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimyLittleTrickster/pseuds/GrimyLittleTrickster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't do this anymore, Spock. I just can't."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hesitance

**Author's Note:**

> This is from last year that I posted on my tumblr but forgot to post here. Hope y'all enjoy it and give me feedback!

“I can’t do this anymore, Spock. I just can’t.”

“Leonard, please be rational about our situ-”

“Screw your rationality!” he hisses out as he shoves his belongings into a standard StarFleet issued duffle bag. There is pain in his voice, a defeated man acknowledging what has come. And it wounds Spock knowing that he is the cause of it. He stands with his hands clenched behind his back reigning himself in before he does something rash.

“We have been together for 3 years and not once have I ever heard you say you love me,” Leonard continues on from their earlier conversation avoiding Spock’s eyes afraid that if he looks into the warm brown eyes he adores, he would break down. “I’m starting to think you’ve never felt something towards me in the first place.”

“You are false in your beliefs. If I had not felt anything towards you I would not have pursued a romantic relationship with you.” His accusation burns into Spock’s core. Yet he remains impassive as Leonard scuttles around the room collecting his possessions. He wishes he could do something. Something that would make the doctor stay but he is at loss.

“Then what exactly do you feel for me, huh?” Leonard snaps, he pauses awaiting the Vulcan’s response. But when none comes, he stuffs the bag with the last of his things before glaring at the stoic expression he’s presented with. “Because watching me pack up my things is clearly showing me how much you care.”

“Just tell me one thing, Spock, just one thing,” he hauls the bag over his shoulder and glances at the man in front of him. Catching Spock‘s gaze, he feels as if someone has opened his chest cavity and squeezes his heart for all it‘s worth. An emotion he cannot define flickers across his eyes before disappearing as quickly as it came. Licking his lips, McCoy blinks away oncoming tears and sighs. It sounds resigned and broken.

“Do you love me?”

The Vulcan opens his mouth then shuts it. He does it once more before bowing his head. He is angry at himself for not being able to say those words.  _I love you_ , a phrase that refuses to leave his lips no matter how much he would like to say it. Of course he feels love. He feels it everyday when his doctor smiles at him revealing dimples that Spock constantly peppers with kisses. He feels it when Leonard moans his name into his shoulder as he comes undone beneath his fingertips. He feels it when they watch the stars on the observation deck murmuring each star’s individual names as their fingers meet, bringing a blush to Spock‘s face.

Yet when it is time to say the words, he cannot get them to fall from his lips.

He curses his mouth’s refusal to cooperate as he watches the hope fade from Leonard’s eyes. He opens his mouth again but the words seem caught in his throat.

After a strenuous moment, Leonard shakes his head causing his hair to droop over. It takes Spock’s entire wellbeing to stop himself from extending his arm and putting the strand back into place. When the next words leave the man’s mouth, Spock’s heart shatters.

“One day you’ll find someone who you can say it to. Someone who isn‘t me.” McCoy steps towards the door with shoulders hunched slowly curling in on himself. Without looking back, he whispers a faint goodbye and leaves Spock alone in his quarters.

It is at that moment that Spock realizes the impact of 3 simple words pulled together as his heart is left with a hole that cannot be filled.


End file.
